Wake up where the clouds are far behind me.
Where trouble melts like lemon drops,
High above the chimney top,
That's where you'll find me."
You are the fine sand that meets the ocean, past coarse pebbles and driftwood, softened and refined across hundreds of years.
When Luc peered over the bridge to feed a school of koi aglow with the bright colors of the sun, your spirit circled up to meet us and filled him with gleeful giggles. I hear you in him. I see what you could have been.
Perhaps you heard my secret wish as I lit incense before the towering Amida Buddha.
You perfume the air with lavender and plumeria blossoms--soft, cream-colored petals swirling in a perfect array of symmetry.
You are the thrill of being up-close with nature's animals; you are the carefree shrieks of running through a grassy field, sea-salt-tinged and sun-kissed. How I had wished that you can experience these life joys, and yet I believe you are in a realm that makes these wonders happen, that you are the very essence of these things.
Your adventurous and fearless spirit is with me when I feel the urge to explore an off-the-path trail to a secluded stream. You propel our family forward, up and across slippery, muddy paths, under the airborne roots of hundred-year-old trees.
You are the reward of the 100+feet Manoa Waterfall, flowing strongly with the unstoppable force of love.
Sometimes, it is as if I am walking along the shore, comfortable and dry, and then suddenly a tidal wave washes in and beats me over the head. I stand sodden, shocked from cold, reeling from what just hit me. This is the memory my grief over you, catching me by surprise. But for the first time in a long time--having seen you in the beauty that I am privileged to experience in the Land of Aloha, knowing that you are in nature's fine touches that caress me, comfort me, and soothe me--I feel a sense of peace that was missing for a long time. I am no longer so lost, indecisive, and afraid. I feel your love; I feel your strength. You are not here, but everywhere.
"It'll be alright, Mama," I can hear you say. For you are around me, bigger than me, even as I hold you safely nestled in my heart.