Odin

On a sunny autumn afternoon, Tung and I headed to the Milpitas Humane Society to donate Argos's leftover canned food and treats so they could be put to good use. I felt I could finally swing by the place without breaking down at the sight of other dogs. The donation drop-off bin was accessible from the outside of the building, but I felt I needed a "petting fix"--having grown up around dogs and owning one most of my life, it felt almost dysfunctional to go a few weeks without running my hands across a warm, furry body. Coincidentially, the Humane Society opened its Community Room that day for an adoption fair. There was a surplus of animals lately, and different rescue organizations specializing in a variety of breeds came to show off adoptees.

"Are you looking to adopt?" a lady sporting a blue Volunteer t-shirt greeted me as soon as I stepped into the room.

"No, not right now," I told her, eyeing all the dogs on leashes. I proceeded to tell her of my recent loss and said I wanted to give it some time before I took a new dog in my life. Northern California Animal Rescue Friends was onsite that day, a rescue org specializing in beagles. Among the group was a foster mom named Lorice Akers, who brought with her an Australian Cattle Dog mix named Dodge.

I met Dodge when he was beached on his back, all four paws up in the air as a volunteer gave him a belly rub. Unlike the other dogs who were fairly vocal or at least mobile, seeking potential adopters' attention, Dodge was content to lay there and be petted. When the volunteer tired of petting him, he'd get up to sit, only to belly-up again as soon as another human approached him, showing interest.

I occupied myself petting a stocky beagle named Archie for my "petting fix." Then, Tung and I went back outside to drop off the donation goods. Out of impulse, we went back in before I called it a day. I got the contact information for Archie's foster mom but soon found out they wouldn't adopt a beagle out to a single-dog household as the breed is highly sociable and tends to get destructive when its only living companions are away for extended periods of time.

Tung, all the meanwhile, was determined not to pet a single dog for fear he'd get suckered in. Because I ended up spending so much time there, he finally caved when Dodge looked at him with his soft brown eyes, beckoning him to come over. We got Lorice's contact information for Dodge as well.

In the week that followed, we found ourselves talking about Dodge. We hadn't planned on adopting before we headed off to our honeymoon, but Tung thought it'd be a good idea to shoot an email to Lorice to check up on him. As it turned out, Dodge was a stray around the Mendocino County, brought to a shelter in Fremont. He stayed there for 2 weeks without finding a home, and it was from there at Lorice and her husband Pat--avid lovers of Australian Cattle Dogs and foster parents for over 15 years--pulled him out before his time ran out at the shelter.

"Let me know if you change your minds," Lorice emailed me after my initial inquiries on Dodge's history. She offered a two-week "sleepover" period where we could evaluate if a dog would be the right fit for our lifestyle and even said she could care for him when we went on our honeymoon. So we did change our minds, and on October 27th after our annual Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk, we went to Lorice's home in Fremont to pick up Dodge.

 He was a bounding ball of energy when we took him home on the first day, very much different from the sedated dog we met who was just interested in belly rubs. He still liked them, sure, but he also leaped up on our furniture, jumped on humans when he got too excited, counter-surfed for food, and sometimes neurotically chased his tail.

We knew that plenty of exercise, determined leadership, and discipline was the best formula to tame energetic and strong-willed Australian Cattle Dogs. Being a mix, Dodge was less dominant-aggressive than his breed tends to be, but during the weeks that followed, he would continue testing us, feeling the boundaries, seeing what he could get away with.

Tung throws the tennis ball for Dodge to play fetch. To give him some more exercise and to foster his breed's natural agility, we set up small obstacles for him to jump over during the game.

Tung makes Dodge politely return, drop the ball, and sit before he gets another round.

Happy dog, appropriately exercised.

 As we got to know the dog and he got to be comfortable with us, it was clear that we had a little challenge on our hands, but a healthy one to get us more motivated to be out of the house and get moving with activities. We changed his name to "Odin" after the Norse God of war, chaos, and victory, but also of poetry and inspiration.

Odin is sweet and attentive; he would follow me around everywhere and often sleep at my feet when I've settled down in certain places in the house. He knew his basics pretty well when he came to us and doesn't spook at normal household noises like the vacuum cleaner, garbage disposal, ice maker, or electric shaving razors, so at one point he must have been cared for in a loving home. He could Sit, Stay, and Come. With us, he has learned to Lay Down, Give It/Leave It (drop the ball in front of us when playing fetch), and is learning Shake Paws and Heel on a leash during his walks. And of course, he is getting well-acquainted with the word "Off" as he is getting better about trying to jump on beds or sofas.

Odin gets weekend trips to the Ed Levin Dog Park near where we live. There, he romps and frolics happily with other dogs in the Large Dog play area, even though he prefers small dogs; in Medocino, he was found wandering with another stray Dachshund who ended up getting adopted before he did.

Odin happily panting and enjoying some time in the shade on the cool grass.

Up to his antics with his new Nylabone chew toy.

It was Tung who spotted Odin and prompted me to adopt him. Clearly, he knows this and is Daddy's Boy.

The day Odin came home, after taking him for a long walk around the neighborhood, letting him explore our house and yard, and playing fetch with him to offset some of his energy, I ended up taking a nap myself after all the excitement. I distinctly remember the moment of waking up. Odin had also settled down and was sleeping away in his new bed, so I didn't see him, but at the point where memory returns after you've waken up from a deep slumber, I remember opening my eyes to the patio in the backyard and seeing a dog's feed and water bowl, items that had been tucked away for some time, but whose absence could still be felt. And suddenly, it seemed that all was as it should be again.

Garage Shelving

It's been a while since we've really touched upon home-improvement, so in order to clean up the mess that is our supply corner in the garage--whereupon we stuffed our supplies in every last inch of workable space on an old wood desk that the previous house owners left behind--we decided to assemble a storage shelf.

It was a fairly simple pressed-wood shelf with a metal frame. We're not happy with the pressed wood, but we're cheap and it seems sturdy enough, so we bought it.

After the all the supplies were temporarily moved into the house and the crud vacuumed up (including some spiders and a very dead, squished cockroach--eeww), we have the shelf assembled.

Here it is with all our belongings stored. Yes, we're proud to have assembled one shelf and get part of the garage more neatly in order. After the laziness that sets in upon completing our wedding, this is a huge accomplishment.

As an added bonus, Tung also managed to mount the shop light in the garage. Now, brighter light is but a cord-pull away!

 

Grief, and Healing

They say that grief cannot be defined or written, only felt. For the loss of a pet, whose life spans just do not come close to matching up with a human's, it is in both presence and absence. Grief blatantly rears its head the moment you come home from the vet's office where you have just put your dog to sleep, living in the few objects that your dog owned and loved in his lifetime: his feed and water bowls sitting empty underneath the patio, his bath towel hanging limp across the handle of the lawn mower, his bed in the hallway where he slept the nights away with you. It surreptitiously hides in spots and corners even after you have tucked all those tangible objects away from site--the rugs placed across the laminate flooring where he liked to lay, the spot underneath the patio where he rested when weariness and pain got the better of him after evening meals, the empty window where he poked his head out past the curtains, forever waiting for you to come home after being away.

Grief whispers memories both happy and bittersweet in your mind, preventing you from keeping your head in the present. It grips you so vehemently, raking claws across your ragged heart, stealing away your breath. Even after your heart has healed in slow and clumsy layers, the scars live underneath, leaving an essential part of you forever changed. Sometimes the sun comes out, and for an instance, you hear the birds and the swish of cars, and you observe the autumnal leaves changing colors outside to remind you that the world keeps spinning, and you must go on, too. Other times, you are beached at an unidentifiable point along a railroad track, unsure of where you are headed or when it will end.

To distance ourselves from the pain after Argos died, Tung and I went to Davenport Beach. A late-summer heatwave lashed through the Silicon Valley, and we escaped to the misty coolness of wind and waves.

Something about the sea is very soothing. The salt-tinged air heals prolonged allergies from a valley basin plagued with smog and dust. Strong winds are buffered by large cliffs that have stood the test of time. Sea breezes trace swirls and patterns in an artistic display of white water foam.

Tung climbs the bluffs

I am standing amidst the waves

 Davenport's waters lap noisily through excavations in the rocks. The water turns a blackish green as it explores the mouth of the shallow cave.

The waves lap on as the earth spins, a soothing aural pattern of crash-and-recede, crash-and-recede.

 Those who frequent the beach's nightly beauty build bonfire rings with logs protected by Davenport's smooth and colorful rocks.

After we had been playing at the beach for some time, a happy black Labrador Retriever and his Poodle pal came bounding up to me. I didn't think I could stand the sight of another Labrador so soon, especially since I lost it during the drive to the beach when I saw a dog sticking its head out of a passing car. But this Lab with his tongue happily lolling out and his gait so full of life and energy, gave me no reason to grieve. Some dogs are old and some are young; some live on and some die. This is the way things should be.

Three nights after Argos died, I dreamed of him. He had just come bounding in after a good run in our yard. I could feel and smell the warm sunshine emanating from his shiny, golden fur. His tongue was lolling out happily and he was smiling. I called to him by his nickname, "Gosey!" and he responded right away, whirling around on his hearing-impaired side, the right ear that had at one point been bloated with a hematoma. Maybe it was wishful thinking on my subconcious behalf, but I like to think that he had come back to say goodbye to me, so quickly after he departed this world. Some days, it was difficult to even haul myself out of bed. "But this is right," he was saying. "It was time. I am happy now, ok now. And you should be, too."

For Argos

When I first saw the sheer bulk of him even in puppyhood and the huge size of his paws, I couldn't believe what I was getting myself into. We were there to take him home with us, Tung and I, and all his relatives--uncle, grandma, dad--looked enormous. This was a dog that would grow up to outweigh me. He was a Labrador Retriever, the breeder assured us, with some Rhodesian Ridgeback mixed in. I couldn't walk away from him then, the only yellow Lab in a litter of black puppies, leaving a trail of submissive urine as he tried to crawl back to his mother. What an awkward, clumsy oddball. The perfect pet for me to love.

We named him Argos, after Odysseus's dog, so that he would be loyal and faithful to the end. A week after we brought him home, he gradually came out of his lonely, shy shell, tagging along with me wherever I went, tripping over his own big paws, floppy ears bouncing.

He hated the collar. Couldn't use a leash. Still suckled when he was deep asleep. Was scared of the family cats. Thought he WAS a family cat by licking himself excessively to groom as they did.

Took to his Squeaks toy and Rope toy and many more toys down the line: Tennis balls, Kong, Giggly-Wiggly, Stuffed Pheasant, Stuffed Heart, Moo.

They say pets become closest to the person who offers an article of clothing for them to sleep with because they imprint on that person's scent. After the loss of our previous Labrador, my mom tried to convince me to never own a dog again--the pain of parting with them was so great. But for me, the joy of being a pet owner outweighed the heartbreak of eventually losing them. Before I could manage to offer Argos my article of clothing, though, my mom was the first one to toss her gray fleece sweater to him, which he dragged around with him wherever he went, like a Linus blankie. He soon figured out which one of us in the family to sucker for scraps.

He contracted Parvovirus when he was just a puppy, and we thought we lost him then. Several days spent in heartbreak away from him as they healed him at the vet's, he came back to us. He grew strong and gangly in his adolescent, too big to fit into his usual hiding places when it came time for a bath, still trying to cram himself in there because he wasn't aware of how fast he grew. We did silly things like flip his long Labrador ears up and backward to take pictures of him.

He loved birthdays as he realized that every time one of us in the family got a year older and sang the birthday song, there would soon be cake for him, too. He loved Christmas as he could smell his own wrapped present when it was placed under the tree; sometimes he wouldn't wait until Christmas morning to open the gift himself, so we'd awaken to the sight of our laminate floor littered with gift wrap tidbits drenched in drool as he chewed away happily at his new treat bone or toy.

He loved fowl; when we went to a park with ducks, or that one time when there was an honest-to-goodness chicken crossing the road as we took our usual walk around the neighborhood, he started salivating and making after it like it was runaway KFC.

For a Labrador Retriever, he didn't retrieve very well. He'd go tearing after whatever you tossed away from him, but as soon as he took it into his mouth and you politely asked for him to return the item, he'd give you the "Eff you--that'd be a dumb thing for me to do" look, and you'd end up getting more exercise than him from having to chase him down to go another round.

He learned how to catch a frisbee really well but would go through so many by mangling them to plastic bits. He made a great ottoman--round and barrel-chested, perfect height, soft and warm.

He never strayed far from home. Times when we'd accidentally leave the fence door ajar, he'd make it out to the front yard, and with a history of lost dogs in the past, we'd frantically run out looking for him, only to find him seated quite calmly at the front doorstep to be let back in. Being part Rhody, he was a "by-the-clock" dog. If you didn't feed him by his usual breakfast and dinner times, he'd start whining like it was Armageddon. I could always count on that big yellow head peeking out from the front-facing window as I came home every day from college, from my first internship in corporate, from my permanent job, from late nights out with friends. Always there waiting, deserving his namesake.

Argos ended up living in two houses when Tung and I moved away from our families to live together. He deftly played the roles of being the family dog and "our" dog as we got him when we had just started dating and kept him until after we got married.

Over the years, he was privy to all of us human beings' frivolity, senselessness, emotional outbreaks, and downright sillyness; yet he'd never judge, thumping that tail of his and flipping upside-down for a good bellyrub to cheer us up, or knowingly coming up to us and resting his snout on the edge of our beds to comfort us when we were most alone.

We knew something was wrong when he started leaving leftover kibbles in his bowl. When you've got a Labrador, "the only animal in the world that would actually kill itself eating," as one coworker put it, leftovers were an abnormality. In the days that swiftly followed, he refused water. When Tung and I came to pick him up from the family home for a trip to the vet, his eyes had already sunken in, and he was more lethargic than usual.

At the vet's, they stuck us in that back room as we awaited the diagnosis, and that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach started to settle in. From his x-rays, the vet suspected cancer that had already spread in his lungs and around his stomach. It snuck in so fast between his regular vet visits for routine exams. They referred us to a specialist oncologist, and the prognosis was slim with only about a 17% success rate. Instead of hooking him up to IV catheters and tubes, we decided to bring him home with us for his last days.

There is no pain like knowing the difficult decision that most of us have to make as pet owners was looming around the corner. Every day came with a fresh wave of hope as he successfully hoisted himself back onto his feet to resume his normal functions. Followed by the heartache of seeing him slump back down from weariness mere minutes later. Followed by the guilt of having to put him down when he was still so lucid, still maintained control of his bodily functions, still wagged his tail when we came by to check up on him.

Each time he ate small morsels of food fed by hand, we celebrated; each time he spit out yet another pill deftly disguised in food, we were bereft. Hovering close to sleep but never quite achieving it, I'd get up in the middle of the night whenever I heard a scruffle of claws, a deep-throated sigh of pain. Since he wouldn't take water, I'd feed him chicken broth to rehydrate him, and out of love for me he tried to oblige and drink only a little; he'd pretend to take food that he'd let dribble out of his mouth after he fell asleep. One day when I coaxed him to drink the soup and he kept turning his head away without lapping up a single drop, I lay down next to him and gave up.

But he wouldn't let me. That shy, awkward, klutzy little puppy, so like me in those ways, taught me strength that I didn't know I had. He wagged his tail to show his spirit. He followed me with his still-lucid, very bright eyes when I moved around as if to encourage me. As the painkiller drugs wore out of his system, he'd hardly grumble or whine. When I sat next to him and told him what I had to do and why, he nuzzled my hand as if he already knew. He was too weak to stand up today, his last day. After all his beloved family members came by to wish him farewell, we carried him to the car on his comforter. During the ride to the vet, I kept telling him that he was a good boy, a brave boy. I promised today was the last time he'd have to come in on a scary vet visit, and that the pain will stop soon.

After they prepared for his departure and wheeled his gurney back into that infamous Back Room where we waited, we got a few minutes with him. When he saw me again, he licked my hand as if to tell me he loved me, and that he understood. Like when I met him for the first time, I couldn't walk away from him then, either. We held him and stroked him and whispered to him as he passed, and he went peacefully, knowing he was not alone on the last leg of the journey that he had to take.

He gave us a good run, one of the most vibrant decades our family could have ever known. Each day, he brought us joy, mixed in with the occasional and inevitable times he'd pissed us off by tearing up something that wasn't his toy, by stealing food off the table to satisfy his insatiable Labrador appetite when we weren't around. He saw us through relationships that became marriages, through funerals of loved ones, through major life changes. He taught us about responsibility, courage, and the indomitable strength of the heart.

His name was Argos, and he was loyal, loving, and faithful to the end of his days.

Argos
March 30, 2002 to October 2, 2012

Wedding Preps: A Recap

I thought I'd write this entry for all the future brides out there wanting to plan a decent-sized wedding. I have so much perspective now that I have been through the wedding planning process. It truly was an amazing journey, full of revelations and lessons. Whereas before, I was resistant to the girly-girlness of it all, but I actually started to enjoy some aspects of it, especially toward the end where Tung and I were able to incorporate elements that are unique to us as a couple. That said, I have no issues with anyone wanting to elope or have a small, intimate wedding in a remote location. All the more power to them; weddings, after all, celebrate the fundamental of two people coming together for love. That is all. They shouldn't be complicated, don't have to be over-the-top (unless you want them to be), and should certainly be customized toward the couple's desires. But for those of you wanting to do it the "hard" way, here goes. May you find some use out of this entry.

It all starts with getting organized. Along with a checklist I printed out from "Here Comes the Guide," which I checked sporadically to make sure I was making at least monthly goals, I used a virtual checklist on The Knot, which is a good resource for inspiring pictures of wedding themes. It also has a seating chart software, which is a bit of a pain to use, but the end results are great visuals of how the reception room will be laid out.

It also helps to work out a wedding-day timeline as far in advanced as possible when you can start visualizing how the day will pan out. It's time-consuming to break down details by the minute, but this will be a good resource for day-of coordinators, family whose help you are enlisting so they know when to show up and what to do, as well as other vendors such as caterers, photographers, and videographers so they can anticipate events and get their equipment ready.

Another reference list to keep is the Wedding Contacts--caterers, vendors, venue points-of-contact whose names, addresses, and phone numbers you should keep a record of (speed-dial helps, too). This list can be given to a bridesmaid/maid-of-honor before the Big Day in case someone runs late or there are any last-minute requests.

Don't forget to track your expenses from the beginning if you're a stickler about budget or curious about how much things have added up to by the end. Most vendors require deposits on a specific timeline, so having this record for yourself helps you keep on top of things and avoid an avalanche of bills near the wedding date. The earlier expenses are taken care of, the less painful it will be when you're already stressing out closer to your Big Day.

Checklist from Here Comes the Guide, organized in a binder containing any wedding-related bills, contracts, and printouts.

Next, the venue tours. This was one of the first things we looked into after we got engaged, as venues book up quite quickly within a year or so. If you've got your mind set on a particular wedding date, it's a good idea to get your choice venue locked down. We took our time and toured 10 venues to get a sense for service, location, interior decor, package prices, and any perks. For example, most hotels would give you "points" for booking a wedding package that could be applied toward a future hotel stay, or simply offer a first-year-anniversary stay free of charge. Be sure to get on any sign-up list for points and follow up after the wedding to make sure the points have been applied. Our venue, the Hilton in San Jose, offers a complimentary stay on your one-year anniversary, the top tier of your wedding cake re-done for free at Cake Expressions whom they have contracted with, and points good for any Hilton in the world, one point per dollar spent on the wedding package.

Below are the venues we toured:

Cypress, Cupertino

Dolce Hayes Mansion, San Jose

Doubletree, San Jose

Embassy Suites, Milpitas

Freedom Hall & Gardens, Santa Clara

Palo Alto Golf & Country Club, Palo Alto

Villa Ragusa, Campbell

Hyatt, Santa Clara (by God, I loved this place, including the wedding coordinator who never commits a single typo in her email correspondences with me, but it was out of our price range).

Hilton, San Jose, our final choice.

Phew, tired already. Next great part, food tasting. Unfortunately, Hilton, like many other hotels offering wedding service, require a down payment for your wedding package before you can come in for your food tasting. If you have qualms and think you may bail at the expense of losing your deposit if the food quality is not up to your expectations, do the food tasting early. Otherwise, do it closer to the wedding so it's less likely the hotel will change chefs, and you get a rough idea of what seasonal fruits and veggies are being offered.

Johnny and Duong join us for food tasting.

Delectable desserts included in our tasting session.

I used whatever down-time I had to work on my wedding website, which I continued to update with relevant info for guests. I gave out the link to the website on the printed wedding invitations. Most wedding websites have embedded software that will allow you to keep a running guest list and any plated food options for the reception, but this is not advisable to use if there will be people in the party who are not tech-savvy enough to RSVP this way.

Most brides run out and do this as soon as they get engaged, but not being big on shopping, I was even procrastinating on finding The Dress. I had first thought to rent my dress as I didn't know what to do with it after the wedding (more on this below), but customer service wasn't great at the places I went to try on rented dresses, and some of the dresses look old from having been worn too many times. So, after some bad experiences, I decided to just buy the dress and not have to deal with the stress of picking it up only a few days before the wedding.

Hmm, could it be this one? Wrapped asymmetrical design with a lace-up back.

Or this one, with some nice beading details on the hem?

Or this one, whose beading contributes to a nice side-profile, striped design?

At David's Bridal after having given up the the rental idea, trying on a mermaid gown with a veil.

Tung's favorite pick, a simple A-line with a side brooch, without frills or fluff.

The Oleg Cassini gown retailed at over a thousand dollars that I tried on just for fun.

Finally, we have a winner! What I like most about this dress was the gold beading that gave it a bit more pop in pictures, the A-line trim, the smooth, satin fabric, and the lovely but not too over-the-top train trailing in the back. It's also a back lace-up, and I will probably never wear a dress this intricate again.

The bridesmaids had a go at dress shopping, too! They are such great sports, having made their decision on our first shopping trip. Liane and Stephanie modeled our two final selections after a morning of them trying on dresses.

The winner is the darker-blue gown on the left (though we went with the "Freesia" color to go with the wedding theme). Liane and Stephanie both liked the flowing, lightweight chiffon fabric for a late-summer wedding.

Don't forget to leave room for alterations a few months before the wedding day! Local dry cleaner's/alteration shops may offer better prices than the place where you bought your dress, so check around. Also look into tux rentals for the men in the wedding party. David's Bridal offers a discount at The Men's Wearhouse if you buy your dress there, and that's a good option for tux rental if the groomsmen are coming from out of town as they can get fitted and pick up their tux at any Men's Wearhouse near them.

When clothes were squared away, we took some engagement pictures. We did a session with my brother Johnny, and then another one half a year later with Michael Soo of Capture the Love Photography. Aside from getting comfortable in front of the camera and having fun as a couple, I used the engagement pictures on our wedding website and put together some photo books for memories, as well as a photo guest book on Picaboo for guests to sign on our wedding day. With the right photographer(s) who share your vision, engagement pictures could be a wonderfully fun experience, taking you out of the stress of wedding planning to enjoy a day playing as a couple and remembering how you fell in love.

Engagement picture by Johnny Luu

Engagement picture by Michael Soo. We played in his studio as he took shots to go with our martial-arts themed wedding.

Dramatic engagement picture by Michael Soo. I blew up this high-resolution shot to a 20x30" gallery-wrapped canvas that now hangs on our living room wall.

Along those lines, we also had a blast shooting our Love Story video with Johnny. We wrote a script to depict our background in martial arts, how we first met in aikido, and what happened on our first "date." Getting to re-visit the San Jose State campus brought back a lot of memories, and we had lots of laughs during the shoot for what turned out to be such a fun day. Our Love Story video is made more special by the thought that things are constantly changing--college campuses in particular--and the places we hold so dearly may not be around in the future for us to visit anymore, so commemorating them in a video holds a quaint charm.

Hair and makeup! I fortunately had the help of my best friend from third grade, Julie, to do my hair and makeup. She patiently went through many trials with me, testing skin care and hair products that would work best on me, to find the right look. It helps to print out the styles you like so that your Makeup Artist (MUA) and hair styler can replicate the look or suggest one more fitting for you.

Profile of the hairstyle we eventually went with.

Back view of the hair style. Julie modified it just a bit on the wedding day to accommodate silk Stephanotis flowers that I wanted to put in my hair.

In the middle of a hair/makeup trial on the morning of my bridal shower with Julie.

We got our wedding invitations printed at AP Printing in Santa Clara. This would be a great area for a DIY project that would save quite a bit of money, especially with Michael's and other specialty stores selling invitation kits, but we had to have bilingual invitations, and AP Printing offers Vietnamese. I had the invitations accentuated by phalaenopsis orchids and ordered custom address labels from Colorful Images that matched. We even got custom postage stamps from Zazzle, bearing one of the pictures from our engagement session, and I bought a simple rubber stamp and ink pad from Michael's to decorate the envelope with an embellishment. Be sure to weigh your invitations before sending them off; it's a good time to touch bases with your local post office to make sure the price of stamps aren't going to fluctuate any time soon (factor in how long guests may take to send you back their RSVPs. "Forever" stamps are a good choice here and are even offered in wedding designs). As soon as the RSVPs started rolling in, I kept a running guest list on an Excel file, along with their food choices, to always have a headcount handy.

Now, here's a funny thing I wanted to incorporate into the wedding. Since the theme is martial arts, I thought it'd be fun to do a customized wedding cake topper of me launching Tung in a "koshinage" hip throw to play off how we met each other in an aikido class. This idea stemmed from a Groupon offering customized bobbleheads. Had I known the company was located overseas, I probably wouldn't have gone through the trouble. It cost quite a bit to make, but the worst part was the time difference and hardship of communicating with the sculptors. It's hard enough to precisely write a description of any requested modifications, but add in a language barrier and it became a frustrating endeavor.

Mold of Tung's head for the sculpture.

Mold of my head for the sculpture.

The results came out ok, and contrary to my irritation of this having taken over half a year to accomplish with all our back-and-forths, the final cake topper did arrive in time for the wedding. They could've gotten me hunched over a little more to better portray the hip throw, and I had to add the embellishments on my gown by hand because it was too plain, but those are technicalities. Guests got a kick out of our cake topper, and it was one of the most photographed items of the night.

Final cake topper on cake, made pretty by the purple uplight our decorator put in.

Full cake with The Works: Cake topper, trailing fresh dendrobium orchids, silk daisies and rose petals, votive candles.

Engraved and decorated knife and cake server.

Next fun part: cake tasting! We took our bridesmaids out to a light dim sum breakfast at Dynasty Seafood Restaurant before the noontime cake tasting. The rules to dim sum are simple: If you don't speak Chinese, the staff will usually still assume that you do. Point to anything you want and be adamant about refusing what you don't, done by furious head-shakings and insistent hand gestures to avoid having an undesirable food item plopped on your table and stamped onto your bill. It's delicious AND entertaining!

Stephanie and Liane enjoying dim sum.

The sample decorated cakes at Cake Expressions, contracted to the Hilton San Jose. They have a Facebook page showing their designs as well. If you bring in a picture of your cake, they will recreate the cake top in your choice flavor for free on your first-year anniversary.

The crew at Cake Expressions. We ended up selecting two tiers of tuxedo-with-raspberry-mousse and tuxedo-with-strawberry-mousse. Our top tier was tiramisu.

Flowers were another thing I lucked out on as my mom is a floral designer. I printed some photos of sample boutonnieres and bouquets from online that I liked. We went to several floral wholesalers with her business license so I could have my pick of fresh, seasonal flowers.

The boutonniere style that I selected for Tung, consisting of a purple phalaenopsis orchid with a few stems of bear grass as an accent.

I wanted my bouquet with purple phalaenopsis, gerbera daisies, and green accents to bring out the purple. I gave my mom this sample found on The Knot for her to recreate.

Flower wholesale shopping with Mom. Love these quirky green moss-like puffballs.

Fresh gerbera daisies and their color spectrum.

About 5 months from the wedding, and time to start thinking about the wedding bands. This is actually less stressing than settling on an engagement ring due to the cost--but then again, these are the rings you will be wearing for the life of your marriage (hopefully, for life), so it deserves some planning and careful consideration. Tung wanted a tungsten ring right off the bat, and I knew I had to go with platinum as that is the material of my engagement ring. I do plan to wear them together and needed the metals to be the same to avoid erosion from a softer metal grating against a harder one. We looked online for styles and brought printouts to The Classic Rock, our choice jewelry store where Tung also purchased my engagement ring. The staff is really down-to-earth and friendly, and Jeanne, the owner, offers an objective and free diamond-education class even if you do not buy your ring there so that you could make a more informed purchasing decision.

Tung likes this style called "Ares" found on TungstenWorld. The Classic Rock was able to find a close match to the style through one of their catalogs. It may be pricier to buy rings at a jewelry shop rather than online, but it's nice to be able to try it on. A style you may like may not look as you envisioned on your finger.

I did not want diamonds in my band as they would be harder to clean than a solid band--plus I'm not allowed to wear diamond-studded rings during aikido practice. Yes, I'm a geek to be factoring this in when selecting jewelry. So I opted for a plain platinum band and, as an accent, had it hand-engraved all the way around, modeled after this design.

Our wedding photographers, 102 Photography, did a great job with our wedding ring shot. This was taken in my backyard after the photographers spent a long time arranging the green-tipped matches in a heart shape. I now have a heart-shaped burn ring on my concrete, but it was a nice shot.

Jewelry, shoes, all that good stuff with the details. My friend Karen's sister, Jen, is a jewelry designer who lives in Colorado and runs her own business, Anosia. She has designed jewelry for me before, so I had her custom-make my necklace, bracelet, and earrings with freshwater pearls and chalcedony stones for my "something blue." I opted for comfort first with my wedding shoes and got a white pair at Naturalizer. I'm not good on heels but had to get some "height enhancement" for the wedding, so the heels served as a good 4-inch boost.

Liane fiddles with my jewelry for the photo shot.

Bridal shower! My bridesmaids kindly took a Friday off to decorate my house and put together goodie bags and games for my bridal shower in May. It was a daisy-themed shower, so they put together games like "Pin the flower on the dress" and gave away pens topped with a silk daisy that they put together by hand. Sandwiches, margaritas, and "bundtinis" from Nothing Bundt Cakes accompanied an afternoon filled with fun and laughter.

The house all jazzed up.

Opening the bridal shower presents.

Ladies' afternoon!

I feel like no wedding is truly complete without an appropriate, Bacchean frolic into the American hazing custom known as The Bachelorette Party. Aaaand that's all I'm gonna say about that.

Getting ready for a ladies' night out!

Somewhere in between all this are dance lessons. Luckily, we know a couple who partake in (and teach a bit of) ballroom dancing. Waltz is their preferred style, but Tung and I chose the song "Moondance" to a fox trot beat, and they good-naturedly helped us choreograph our dance. We spent several weekends in an apartment in Palo Alto, counting out beats and getting the footwork right to learn a different way of moving together aside from martial arts: dancing.

Along those lines, we opted early on to get a DJ who could also act as an MC instead of live musicians. We went with Diego from DJ D, who is my friend Julie's husband. He regularly DJs at clubs, school dances, and weddings. We provided a song list for him with our favorite songs broken down according to when he should play them along the wedding timeline, and we met up a few times to discuss MC'ing cues. Diego did setup for us in 3 different rooms (ceremony room, foyer for cocktail hour, and reception room) and helped us with the projector setup for our Love Story to be shown. So nice to leave this stuff to the professionals and not have to worry about it on the wedding day.

Tung and I decided to get customized M&Ms for our party favors. We got two of our engagement pictures printed, along with our names and wedding date, in M&Ms matching our wedding color. We spent an afternoon with the bridesmaids weighing the candy on a kitchen scale and distributing them in little heart-shaped containers with a customized printed ribbon attached. Having people chip in their time for the "big ticket" items such as assembling over a hundred party favors, wedding invitations, and wedding programs really helped.

Customized party favors. The rule of thumb for favors: edible, or usable!

For each of our 15 reception tables, Tung suggested naming them after a destination that we have been to as a couple. Johnny helped design the table cards with a pictorial representation of the destination. For each table, we also had a separate card that states why that particular locale was memorable for us. That card was framed by 15 pictures captioned after all the destination tables to show a sense of cohesiveness. We also made a crossword puzzle for each table, forming clues from both Tung's and my hobbies, favorites, and interests to encourage the guests at each table to mingle.

Reception tables all set up.

Our Head Table was named after our honeymoon destination, French Polynesia. This is a sample of the cards Johnny designed.

We also had fun hand-making The Octagon for our money box, re-using the cardboard in which our canvas picture was shipped (so many resources get wasted for weddings, it's nice to cut down, re-use, and use recyclable products when possible). Playing off Tung's and my interest and background in different martial arts, this was another nod to our wedding theme. We used blue gift wrap paper and printed out the chain-link design and "TapOut" logo. Johnny also designed the "fight stats" on top of the box. From measuring, cutting, wrapping, and gluing, total construction time for The Octagon took over a week, in which time we spent on our family room floor, watching the 2012 Summer Olympics while piecing it together.

The Octagon, waiting to receive wedding cards on the sign-in table.

It was so meaningful to be able to write my own ceremony and vows for the wedding. I got to incorporate a few poetry readings and had good family and friends come up to read. My college friend Kate Evans, whom we asked to be our officiant, was also able to hand off some great resources from a friend of hers who is well-acquainted with officiating weddings. We went through several drafts, but it was all worth it in the end. The internet is a great resource to check out how people write up their own ceremony, but ultimately it comes down to what means the most to the couple as they stand side-by-side, reading off lifetime vows to each other in a commitment of love.

The week of the wedding is a great time to have some pampering done. Let me just stress that I don't usually pamper myself and have never gotten my nails professionally done a day in my life up to the time I got married. However, it does feel nice to lie there for a facial at Capricious and sit in a massage chair for a mani/pedi with French-style nails done at iBeautify. Shellac/Gel is great as I am hard on my hands, and that stuff's practically invincible. I got my nails done 3 days before my wedding, and they still looked great and chip-free on the Big Day.

One thing I didn't much consider up to the tail end of the wedding planning was budgeting for decor. This includes any party rentals such as uplighting, chairs, tables, and linens if the venue does not provide them. It also includes extra backdrops (say, for the Head Table and indoor ceremony decor). I couldn't believe how much it cost to simply rent these items, but in the end, our decorator at 1000 Fine Events did such a splendid job that it felt well worth the money. From the crystal-draped bare branches of manzanita trees during our ceremony, to the picture backdrop flanked by my parents' decorated flower vases, to the rhinestone accents on our Head Table draping, lighting and linens helped lend an elegant ambiance to the wedding.

Family picture with drapery backdrop.

We got to stay overnight at one of the bridal suites in the Hilton as part of our package. They had nice details such as a gift basket filled with cheeses, sausage, and other goodies and offered breakfast-in-bed the morning after. At the end of the night, we were greeted by the sight of red rose petals decorating our bed upon coming back to our suite.

Our bridal bed.

What a momentous day! It seems strange that a day 1.5 years in the planning can speed by in such a blur. After the wedding, I looked into preservation. I wish I had researched bouquet preservation long before my wedding day, as by the time I got around to it after the wedding, the bouquet was past the point of being freeze-dried. Hanging it upside-down on a tree branch did not help as the vibrant colors did not stay preserved. It's better to leave that to the experts if you want to keep your bouquet for years to come.

I did manage to ship off my wedding dress for cleaning and preservation. David's Bridal offers a preservation kit that is cheapest when bought on the same day as your wedding dress. Dry cleaner's also offer wedding gown preservation, so it's best to research prices before getting this done. I pinned Post-Its with notes to the particularly stained areas to call them out (even though this was not a required step), stuck the dress in the provided bag and box, and sent it off with Fed Ex. It took less than 2 weeks for the dress to be returned to me.

Wedding dress packed and ready for cleaning.

Finally, to wrap things up, I sent for an official copy of our marriage certificate. To request a copy by mail in Santa Clara County, you would need to fill out a form and get your signature notarized (I got this done for $5 at a post office offering notary services). It costs $19 for the copy, and you'll have to also send in a self-addressed, stamped envelope. There is also an option of picking it up in person after the certificate has been filed, and this way, the notary fee gets waived.

The marriage license itself must be requested before the wedding, and you have 90 days to conduct your ceremony. The fee for the license is $79 (for a standard, non-confidential license). It must be signed by the bride, groom, officiant, and at least one witness before getting sent in after the wedding.

We are officially married! Hooray!

Here's a 5-minute clip of our wedding highlights by our videographer, Jared Lee from Spotlight Digital Creations:
http://vimeo.com/49989672 

Stay tuned for the sequel to this story, the honeymoon. :)