For Kate

This week I did something out of the ordinary—I took a seemingly random Thursday off from work to celebrate a friend’s pre-wedding festivities. But this was no ordinary friend and no ordinary group that I hung out with. Kate will be getting married about a week from now, and she is actually the officiant for my own wedding ceremony in August. And the company I was with consisted of women with a lot more life experience than me, from those already in 15-year marriages to those finding love for a second or even third time. Some are old enough to be my grandmother, and yet they rocked their awesome selves during a full day of limo-riding to wine-tasting cellars, boogieing down in the evening at a happening club with live music and a steady flow of cocktails. 

I never pictured myself hanging out with a bunch of divorcees and sharing potato chips and flatbread over stories of exes. You’d think it’d be borderline depressing to celebrate three impending weddings while being in the presence of statistical proof of the high divorce rate in America. Instead, it was refreshing and eye-opening to get such perspective on life. In my family, in my culture, you’re expected to live life a certain way, and the smallest deviation from that path can be looked down upon and berated. I used to think so often in terms of “the end.” Graduating from college being THE END of your academic years, as if you just stop learning forever. Getting married as being THE END of your single years, as if you stop being spontaneous and having fun. Having children as THE END of your traveling endeavors or nights out with friends. Getting a divorce as THE END to possessing love. But when I’m around people giving off so much life and energy, I see things as the beginning—another chance to open up and claim what’s best for yourself, to find love anew, to allowing yourself to be happier than you thought possible.

My fiancé and I asked Kate to be our officiant because, aside from having a great reading voice and experience in front of a crowd, she gives off this fun, exuberant, eager-to-try, happy-to-do aura that inspires those around her. With her long blonde hair, bright blue eyes, Santa Cruz tan, and fit yoga body, she makes me think of the sun and the sea, all that’s good on a lovely summer day. She’s the embodiment of positive energy, and witnessing her ever doing or saying anything negative is as strange as watching an egret’s feathers go black. No sooner had our group sat down in our cabana to order appetizers before our dinner than Kate beelines to the stage to dance in front of the band. I have always loved dancing, but I am usually in the presence of people who don’t care for it in social settings or at weddings, where the crowd is more conservative and would prefer to sit and watch than to stand up and stand out.

It’s not hard, though, to follow Kate out to where the party’s getting started. I let the music infuse my body and, with no formal training in dancing, simply let myself pick up the rhythm. It feels good just to move. Kate doesn’t just dance—she sings along, serenades the band as they sing back and smile at her, dances individually with those in her party, rubs elbows with random strangers and pulls them into the our dancing circle. The music takes me up, and the bass pounds out flashbacks of a day we celebrate in honor of her finding love: sipping champagne, chardonnay, pinot grigio, merlot; nibbling foccacia bread, crackers, pita chips; discussing literature, writing, historic land preservation, joy.

Every day is an adventure; every gathering with friends and friendly strangers, a gift. Here’s to life and love and happiness always worth pursuing.